This is from my dearest friend, Lisa. She likes to keep me laughing (hard enough to pee)! I like Lisa best for this quality in her! She can take a good day and make it better, or get a very bad day to end up just fine...Here's my funny for today from her. Thanks!

Why It's Great to be a Woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3 Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10 We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. We will never regret piercing our ears.

13. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

14. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Why Indeed ...?

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

Well, I've found a funny website that is clean, so, I'm sharing. If you want the link, go to the side bar there and click it.

Here's a cute list I got off of the site.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of.. Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Cant Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust... Me!

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There is... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

Christmas in Spring?

Not really, but, I found this "funny", and wanted to share it. I'll forget about it by the time Christmas comes around. Or, if I do remember it, people will be so caught up in the holiday, I wouldn't want to mess it up for anyone (like those liberals that should really know better than to read my blog, because they already know that I'm NOT PC, and don't care to be PC). But, this time of year, it's not gonna bother you if I share this funny....well, at least I hope not. I just laughed at this one! Will we ever get back to the Andy Griffith days where truely being nice mattered more than this kind of petty "wording"?

Politically Correct Christmas

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...),

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

THREE deconstructionist poets,

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses,

And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

[In the Letters to the Editor, Wall Street Journal, Jan. 6, 1994. Barb Taub, Champaign, Ill.]Source: graceweb

Gardening soon?
Here's an idea for getting some of the work done for you for free!

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"
Source: Aha

How do you make it shut up?!!

We had a tenant once that called late one night. He spoke very little English, but just enough that we could figure out what he was saying. He was talking on the phone to us, and kept saying, "How do you make it shut up?!!" with a very thick Spanish accent! We couldn't figure it out at first, so he kept repeating, "How do you make it shut up?!!" We weren't able to figure out what he meant until he walked over to his problem with the phone...his smoke detector kept beeping! Every 3-5 seconds it would just beep once. Aaahhh. Now that could be very annoying when you're trying to sleep! So, we went over and figured it out. He was a much happier guy!

But, as a mom, and a person with a very busy mind sometimes (rather vacant at others, wouldn't you agree!?), sometimes I wonder, "How do you make it shut up?" My "it" is the famous "to do" list that runs over and over and over in the brain! It just runs through my mind like the blasted Dow Jones electronic ticker board on Wall Street...constantly going by with it's list, and you just sometimes want to see it stop (hopefully with your numbers UP)! So, this list, it goes, and goes...and I've noticed that whenever I don't have my mind firmly wrapped around another project, there is this constant dialogue in my head. Even when I want to sleep! It's saying in a very firm voice "You have to till the ground for your garden. Don't forget to go to the grocery store. Oh, and you need to set up your visiting teaching appointments. You really should clip those fingernails. Time to change out the toothbrushes, you know. That's been on this list for weeks, and you just keep forgetting. Wouldn't it be fun to paint this room? What color would be best? Something VIBRANT! nah. Something sooooothing. Oh, that reminds me (still talking to myself!), I need to clean up ...." And on and on this list goes. Kinda like a song you get into your head that you really want to get out of your head, but when you're off doing something, you realize it's still there, and you're humming along to it again!

I'm sure I'm not alone with "the list". I'm sure of that. There is, after all, an entire stationery industry devoted to the magical "to do" list tablet, calendar, etc! An entire marketing empire created by those that teach "time management", which must be due to others out there with that incessant "to do" list not getting done, and feeling like they need to put more into a day to get rid of the dang list! But, how do you shut the thing up!? I've done the list over and over again. When I'm done, it just adds another thing to itself (again, kinda like the Dow Jones...a constant list of 30 things, so when one leaves, another has to take it's place). But, I can't get the ticker tape out of my head unless I'm actually doing something else (that requires brain work). I don't mind having work to do. Most of you know that. It's just the list in my head I'd like to ditch sometimes. Like when I'm trying to sleep, or it's the Sabbath Day and I ain't gonna do a dogonne thing on that list, so it'd be nice to shut it off for the day.

Sometimes I rebel by doing what I want instead of what's on the list. Those are fun days!! Kinda like skipping school--exciting in a weird, knowing you're gonna pay-for-it-later way. Rebellious, eh? (Of course, I never skipped, I'm only referrencing other's stories there. Ahem. ) But, like Jose, I just want to know, "How do you make it shut up?!!" ;-) Well...now hang on there a minute...isn't that just adding another thing to my "to do" list? "Note to self...figure out how to shut off this mind numbing "to do" list. And, when you're done with that, you can make the bed and do the laundry, and learn to make pickle relish...."

Anew

It's been a lovely weekend for Easter. Sunny, warm, just a gentle breeze moving through the valley. I have a good friend that loves Spring. She's happy, cheerful, sweet, vibrant...so I can see that Springtime fits her! I am not big on Springtime, per se (I like Fall's vibrant colors better, and the sweet smell of crackling fireplaces, and football in the air, and knowing you've worked hard all summer & your time to rest is coming!). But it is a refreshing time of year after being cooped up all winter long. Winter has it's perks (fires in the fireplace, stories read late into the night, peppermint cocoa, pumpkin pies, and all those holidays!). But, Spring can make you feel fresh and alive again! Open those windows, clean that house, plant that garden, mow that yard, and you just feel better! I cleared out some old stuff from the house. I got a new bed. I prepared my taxes. I fixed the irrigation pipes. I planted 100 strawberry plants! It was fun!!

How does this tie into Easter?? What do bunnies and eggs have to do with fresh starts? They don't. Easter, to me, has nothing to do with bunnies and eggs...but EVERYTHING to do with Christ, the Resurrection, and fresh starts. The world seems to testify at this time of year of the Lord's triumph over death and Satan! Every thing screams (beautifully, not shreeking) "We're alive! We're strong! We're vibrant!" It's a great time of year. I hope you get captured by it, and find something fun to do to wake yourself up from the wonderful winter slumber you've been nestled in. Time to wake up and move about again! (I'm picturing an old mother bear here waking up from hibernation with little cubs running all over her...can you see it?)

What will you do, or have you done, to wake up this Spring?

HUNTER

Hunter is a lucky boy. He's got one of THE best scout leaders. See the lady in the truck? Yep, you got it! Leave it to a woman to do scouting very well! She's got activities for these boys that are fun and educational. Here she's taken them to release pheasants back into the wild. In the cages are the birds that the Fish and Wildlife Department have taken care of for some reason. Now it's time to let them free again! So, the boys get a lesson on this. The weather in Oregon doesn't always work out, but on this night, it did...just as they were done, the rains began to fall! Hunter is in the middle of this picture in the back (with his scout hat on, of course!). He just loves being a scout!

SOLOMON
I think the big kids are having a very early influence on Solomon's taste in clothing and style. What do ya think? I personally prefer the cute, little, innocent baby than the "gangsta" kind, but every time I leave, this is the kind of thing they do to the poor fella! Of course, by the time I walk in the door (they can see me drive up the street, so they know when I'm coming!), they have him looking cute like this little soft pink hat. But, the camera pictures tell me the truth about what they're up to when I'm out of the house! Silly siblings. Just wait...when they have their own little bundles of joy, I'm gonna have some fun with them! Just wait....

Mommy's Gets Time Off

So, it's been a month since I posted. I don't have an update on my sister. She's choosing her own route to get through this, and she'll update us when she's ready. I wish her the best, tho, and she knows we're backing her 110%! Keep praying for her, tho.

But, if you read the previous post, we had an issue of our own on that same morning last month. My husband of 18 years took me upstairs for a little "chat" that same Monday morning to tell me he wanted a divorce. This isn't the first time he's said that and walked out....but it IS the last time. He announced it to all the children, watched them cry and crumble, packed his bags, and walked out the door. A couple of hours later I found out about my little sister's health issues. I have to admit...I buckled. After 2 hours of throwing up, I stood up and got to work. "Mommies don't get days off. Mommies can't quit. The children need me." (They had decided to watch a movie since Mommy needed some time...how sad I couldn't be stronger right then!)

But, now it's a month later. I am stronger. I'm happier. The children are happier. There is laughter in our house. There is music and singing. We wake up now ready for the new day (because we sleep solid each night). Some days are better than others (it's not easy going against an attorney/judge in a small town, his employees that do divorces for a living, his hired attorney, and all his lawyer/judge friends giving him advice for free!). But, we're doing well. I still don't know what the future holds. But, I know I have my children, and the Lord. I've learned who my friends are and who they aren't (keep sending me the funny jokes, folks!). I know I have a future--bright, free, and happy. I know I can tickle my children every day and hear them laugh. I see the sun rise each day (early morning seminary!), and it's good. I know the Lord is helping me (us) get past this.

And, of all the weird twists of fate...I have times when I don't have to do any work...time off! Time to sleep in. Time to eat whatever I want (without the kids going, "eewww, yuck")! I have time to clean and organize. I have time to plan and prepare for my future. So...I guess Mommies do get days off (or at least a few hours here and there)!