Meaningful Prayers

I love General Conference. It's a nice time to get "grounded" and double check if you're on the right path, or not. It's always helpful, but sometimes its more helpful than others. The further along in a pregnacy you are, the more you appreciate the talks on motherhood, or sacrifices. If you serve in Nursery, you love the talks about how selfless service is a key to becoming Christlike (and we certainly aren't in Nursery for ourselves--although the little ones are cute)! If you are at a change in your life, you listen to be sure of things, or to hear things that can help you on your way. When you're suffering, they are a great teacher to you, as well as comfort. And, of course, when you're investigating the church, the words of Conference are magical and insightful. The talks are always helpful, no matter the stage in life you are at.

I wonder, tho, as Elder Bednar talked today about meaningful prayer (http://www.lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,49-1-851,00.html), if we really heard what he was telling us. I liked his talk. Often I feel like the prayers said by my family and sometimes at church, are for the ears of those around us, and not for Heavenly Father..and definately not of the heart. Of course, when I think this, I also mentally slap myself for questioning this. Bad to question such things (rude to say the least...sorry). But, today I heard something that has caused me to reflect on prayers and what we expect from God by saying them.

Since David has left, I have had many, many people that say they are praying for me and the children (and presumably, David, too). I have had many that pray that we'll be comforted and strengthened. I have many that tell me that they pray for the children to be happy and confident. I usually ask them to keep praying! We need all this we can get and are truely thankful that others would think of us at this time. Needless to say, I have prayed with greater intensity, and often times find myself pleading in my mind as I go about a simple task (like laundry). I know He listens to me. He loves me. He won't walk out. I trust Him. I always have. He's answered my prayers from the beginning.

But today, I have heard that there are people around me that are questioning my cheerfulness, and seeming strength. They question why I'm not falling apart. They question why I talk about this so matter-of-factly. Some have even (apparently) said that I seem to be taking joy from this situation! Haven't they listened to General Conference talks?? Haven't they read Job?

So, because this is my blog, and I'm supposed to share a bit of myself, I think I'll ask some questions...why on Earth would you bother to pray for me and the children (and Dave), if you didn't plan to see those prayers answered?! Is it wrong that I'm strong now? Is it wrong that we're able to make it through the darker moments and find the sunshine the next day? Is it bad to have joy in life and count your blessings? Would this judgement come if my husband had died, rather than walked out? What about the men/women in the histories we read that were left alone (widowed) and married just a few months later...are they cold and hard hearted, or strong and resilient??

I know this...someone is praying for me to have strength...and they MEAN it. It's helping me. I know that I'm being helped in this. I have acknowledged God's grace and care in this. I have received many witnesses and answers to my prayers over the past couple of months, as have my children! I have shared those with my family (who will listen) and my friends. Surely they understand the point of praying is to get help from someone who definately CAN help, and is more than willing, if the thing you seek is righteous and good.

So, for those that think I'm too cheerful, call me one night. Let's visit. For those that think that I'm supposed to be glummy all the time, what kind of effect would that have on my children? Isn't a mother's role to be the strength that her children see, and to be the leader in times of heartache? Isn't this right? How on Earth am I supposed to behave at this time? Should I be bitter? Should I be inconsolable? How about going off the "deep end" and loosing my marbles? Would that make these people feel better somehow? How many of those that are judging have ever been in this situation, or talked to me about it, or know the details, hows and whys?? Why would such people pass judgement? Do they know enough about the situation? Do they have faith in their Heavenly Father when they pray? If so, why are the surprised by the effectiveness of their prayers (not to mention our continuous prayers!)? Why pray if you don't think it's gonna happen, People?!!

But, for my real friends...for those that have prayed meaningful prayers on our behalf, as Elder Bednar spoke of today...thank you from one set of hearts to another. You have lifted us, helped us and been with us in this dark time. Your prayers, combined with our own, are working! I'm thankful to a Heavenly Father that loves me and my children, and has taken the time to HEAR our prayers and answer them. I'm thankful He is helping me, working with me, guiding me and giving comfort to me and the children. I pray he'll keep holding me up, and keep me cheerful. He knows my life. He knows my heart. He is the only one qualified to pass judgement. He would tell me to be of good cheer, now wouldn't He? Am I not supposed to put my pains onto Him and let him take them? Why then question this when it happens?

I'll keep praying meaningful prayers. It's working.

Just like it did when I wanted to know if Melanie was telling me the truth about her Church and this Book of Mormon.

Like when I saw the Hansens and Lowrys happy...and wanted that myself.

Like when I was left in the care of an evil man, and my seminary teacher came and rescued me.

Like when my son lay in the hospital, and they weren't able to tell me what to do to save his life (but God did).

Like when I wanted to live when I hemorraged after giving birth to one of my children.

Like when I wanted comfort when Dave walked out the first time, and the second time, and this last time.

Prayer works. I believe in it, and in it's power. I love the Lord and am thankful to Him. He's here. He always has been, and always will be! I'm thankful for friends that pray meaningful, heartfelt, sincere prayers! Keep 'em comin'!